Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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