I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am naked and annoyed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
