I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
