I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
