Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
