He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
