their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
