if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
