My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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