So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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