did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
