trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
