I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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