So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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