Where did you get a picture of my penis
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
