Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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