I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
