he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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