hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
