Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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