First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
where are my eyebrows?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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