By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
