My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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