Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
