Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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