some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
