please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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