made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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