but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
