i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
