Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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