I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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