It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
