so that wasnt chicken after all
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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