And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
