I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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