i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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