they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
