Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
