They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
