if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
