Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
