Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
