He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
