so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
