Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
