Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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