You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ugly people sure do ruin things
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
