WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
