I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
