It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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