if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
