I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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