just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
