Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my poor anus
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
