planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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