Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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