I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
