Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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