Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
