You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
