His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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