I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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