My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
