Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
