the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
