It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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