Nicole vs. Life
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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