Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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