if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
