we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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