just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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