I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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