I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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