Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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